By Beverleigh H Piepers
There are more and more single people with children who are making their way onto the dating scene. Some people might be hesitant to date someone with a child or children. Is it a good idea or a bad one? It depends on the circumstances.
The first rule is to never blame a child or children. They did not ask to be born: their parents decided to have them. So it isn’t fair to say “well, I would date her if she didn’t have a child”. Trying to force out the child, or trying to replace their time with their parent by demanding to be with the parent, and you will be gone!
Second, is you have to take a look at the other parent. Are they around and if so, are they a bad influence? If the ex is a difficult person who constantly fights and tries to manipulate the child and the person you are interested in, you might want to think long and hard before you get involved. Whoever decides to date this person will have to deal with the ex… a lot.
Third, is to look past the child or children. Would you date this person if you didn’t know they had a child or children? If so, why is the child possibly changing your mind? If you think you don’t like children, then maybe it’s because you have never been around them. Maybe you have only been around children who act poorly. Or maybe you have just decided you don’t like them. Whatever the reason, maybe you should give this child a chance.
Fourth, is to remember you are not the child’s parent. You are trying out for this child as much as you are trying out for their parent. Remember your place and don’t cross “that” line of interfering with their parenting.
If you have a problem with the child, calmly discuss it with their parent, the person you are interested in. The parent will either blow up at you or accept your reasoning and think it over. Their reaction will tell you a lot about your chances in the relationship.
Last, don’t forget there is a child. If you act like there is no child and make plans that always exclude the child, you will more than likely alienate their parent. After all, this child was there before you were.
This doesn’t mean you have to set up a college fund for them, but you do have to be sociable, pleasant, and certainly incorporate them into your plans. Winning a child or children over, goes a long way to winning over their parent.
Learn about yourself… what makes you this way? Are destructive emotions at the heart of the problems you are experiencing with your relationships. If so, you need to get control of what you are really telling yourself… your beliefs.
For nearly 25 years Beverleigh Piepers has searched for and found the principles to help you get to the root causes of your crisis.
The solution is not in the endless volumes of information you find across the internet, or the advice your friends give… it’s in yourself; the thoughts that make you who you are.
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See Also Parenting Articles by Dr. Randy Cale at www.TerrificParenting.com