2013Tue09Apr

Mandatory Parenting Classes Can Help to Improve Your Family’s Lives

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At many stages in parenting there are classes available. In some cases they are pretty much mandatory, while others completely voluntary. The key point is that you may find more information on doing the most important thing in life, raising the next generation to better than what you have so they might even take their next generation to greater levels yet. In a nutshell, it’s all about passing it on with improvements.

Everything you do has impact on your children’s lives. It’s hard to see most of the results immediately, though in the end you will. Whatever you can do now to see that end better, is well worth it. Parenting classes can definitely give you more focused input that improves the final results years later.

Check out more information at Terrific Parenting where you can find articles about mandatory parenting classes and other useful parenting information.

Posted by Admin April 9, 2013 at 8:08 am
2013Tue09Apr

Family Life Today – Top Tips If You Are Working Away From Home

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Family life today has been affected by a culture change over the last 20 or 30 years which has meant more and more people are working away from home 4 or 5 days a week. Personally, I have had spells where I have worked almost completely at home but I am currently going through a spell where my job takes me to a location 250 miles away – and I have been doing this for nearly 8 months. If you have a young family this can be difficult to manage so here are my tips for keeping both yourself (and your family) sane:

  • Make sure you keep in contact with home regularly. The phone is the obvious choice but my 8 year old daughter loves instant messaging (Google or MSN) especially when she gets home from school. It is more ‘instant’ than email. A webcam is also a good idea if you have the technology and are maybe stuck in a hotel room with only a laptop for company. This is a great way of keeping up to date with what is going on in your family so you are not playing catch-up at weekends.
  • My 8 year old also loves a story at night. We have made up a character (Sophie) who has a magic bed. When she goes to sleep she can travel anywhere and we make up the story as we go along. Often Sophie travels to places we know, sometimes she visits characters off the TV or TV shows – either way my daughter loves the stories and it is always the last thing she does before she goes to bed.
  • Set your boundaries at work. If you can, negotiate to work at home (or locally to your home) on a Friday and stick to it as much as you can. By and large, if you put the hours in Monday to Thursday then this will be respected. At the very least aim to leave the office Friday lunchtime so you have a full weekend available to you.l
  • If you do work at home on a Friday make sure you bring home the work you need to do! (either electronically or physically!)
  • Negotiate your time to be in the office on a Monday morning – there may not be any need to get up at 4am if you can agree a late morning start and make the hours up in the evening
  • When you are staying in a hotel the evenings are a really good opportunity to put the hours in, catch up with work etc. If you adopt this approach and are prepared to stay late a couple of nights a week then it will strengthen your case to have Fridays at home and a later start on Mondays.
  • Protect your weekends – if at all possible switch off the computer/phone and concentrate on your family
  • Join a gym, or find something to occupy you at your work location. Many gyms you can pay monthly – or do an evening class, go to the local comedy club, or go to the cinema (you can get monthly passes very reasonably these days). Find things to occupy your time other than work and the hotel TV, even if it is going for a walk or run.
  • Make sure that if there is a crisis at home you communicate well to your bosses and peers so they know exactly where they stand. If you have to stay at home for any reason or travel home unexpectedly – make sure they are fully aware – by and large they will understand as long as they know what is going on.
  • Make sure you eat well, get exercise and sleep well while you are away. You want to be ‘there’ for your family at the weekend – not burnt out
  • Use the time in the evenings to do a self study qualification – either work related (e.g. Accreditation training) or not (e.g. Learn French)
  • Do your expenses in good time – they can build quickly and this will save the anger of your bosses and avoid any unnecessary build up of personal expense – Friday afternoon (assuming you are working at home not travelling) is ideal for admin.

It is not easy working away from home but often it is an essential part of family life today, but with close management and a little thought it can work out well for all concerned.

Posted by Admin April 9, 2013 at 8:31 am
2013Tue09Apr

Happy Family Life – Facts and Myths

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It is not easy to be a married couple. People always try to give you advice about something. Of course it is always done out of the best and noble motives. Naturally, it is all useless. Throughout the years of living together the couple inevitably breaks all the rules and taboos at least once. So how does it affect their life?

It is time to crush the most popular myths about family life. We have decoded the secret meaning of all the advice that husband and wife hear from the very first day they tie the knot.

So myth number one: you should not go to sleep without making up after a fight. Well, it sounds quite reasonable – why risk it, what if overnight the fight that has started over something trifle will only flare up and become a real problem? It is better to make up and go to sleep with a clear conciseness and have a fresh start the following morning.

Our opinion: just make a deal with your other half to postpone the continuation of the fight till the morning – especially if it is past midnight, you are exhausted, and there is no foreseeable end to the fight any time soon. After all, not every argument can be limited by time restrictions and unfortunately not all of us can stop at the right time.

Of course it is bad to go to sleep feeling irritated after the fight. But there are certain pluses to it too, even if sometimes you sleep on opposite sides of the bed or separate bedrooms, you will be OK – just as your marriage will be OK also.

The second myth is that the birth of the child makes you even closer with your spouse. Very often after the baby is born (especially if it’s the first baby) the spouses gain a countless number of subjects for conversations. Although all of them are connected to the baby one way or the other…

It seems like the relationship has risen to a new level, but then the husband leaves to work and the baby starts fussing or gets sick. The joy and amusement that this tiny being has aroused at first are gradually replaced with tiredness and irritation – what else can you expect after sleepless nights, nonstop breastfeeding, and diaper changes? Naturally, not a single decent mother will take her frustrations out on a baby, and the righteous anger falls on the one who happens to be nearby. And most often it is the beloved husband.

Our opinion: the birth of a child is above all a test of your relationship. Is there a solution? Yes. You should just accept the fact that all married couples go through a crisis and usually at the time when they expect it the least of all.

Furthermore, a woman needs help taking care of the baby – it is impossible to manage it on your own. The help and support of the loving husband do help a woman to not forget about the roles she has besides being a mother such as a role of a wife and a business woman. If a new mom still cannot even think about going out or is afraid to leave the baby with the dad, other family members, or a nanny, then do not rush things, let everything follow its course.

Another myth: a husband and wife should not only be in a romantic relationship, they should also be friends. It sounds great, doesn’t it? After all, a wife knows her husband better than anybody else, so why not consider him the best friend?

Our opinion: romantic relationship is different from a friendship. Do not have illusions that one person will manage to become a personification of both passionate love and fond friendship. It simply does not happen like that.

In other words, do not blame yourself if you do not feel a friendly attachment to your spouse – this is what you have your girlfriends/guy friends for. The important thing is to keep that connection with each other, and what you are going to call it is up to you. Always take an interest in your spouse’s life. When leaving in the morning, ask about your spouse’s plan for the day and when you see each other in the evening make sure to inquire about how the day went and how successful they were with their to-do-list.

The next myth is that unsatisfactory sex life is not a problem. The first few months after the baby is born, the hormones, exhaustion, and excessive irritability do not contribute to the improvement of your sex life, therefore you should not force things to happen. A husband should treat the situation with understanding and store up on patience.

Our opinion: at the risk of causing many young moms dissatisfaction, we strongly declare that it is exactly after the baby is born that sex is extremely important and even necessary to preserve your relationship.

When you are constantly busy, suffer from lack of sleep and chronic stress, when you see your husband only in the morning and late in the evening, sex is the quickest and the most effective way to strengthen your relationship, even if you do not any more feel that wild attraction that you used to feel when you first got married.

Also, do not think that good sex requires particular conditions such as romantic dinner, special atmosphere and privacy, otherwise you will wait for this “ideal moment” forever, which will serve you as one more cause for disappointment and stress. Do not wait for ideal circumstances, but rather use any opportunity you get. Learn to appreciate quick sex, it liberates and drastically broadens your sexual repertoire.

Another myth: do not fight in front of the kids. The sight of the parents fighting is awful and can traumatize the child’s nervous system. Small children unmistakably identify when you are irritated and angry (your mood transfers to them), and older kids watching their parents fight are scared that they can get a divorce.

Our opinion: watching the parents resolve a family conflict can actually be even useful for a child since he or she finds out that even the closest people sometimes cannot reach a mutual understanding. It is impossible to avoid conflict. If your family life is not clouded by disagreements then you have found your ideal partner. But ideal is so boring…

In other words, watching the parents fight is okay for kids and even useful. But there is one condition (as always). If your fight is taking place in front of the underage witnesses, you should fight by the rule. Instead of calling the spouse names, just express your concern to them in a civil way. Condemn the action (or the lack of such) and not the person. If the fight is too heated and solving it peacefully is not possible then try to make sure that the kids are not in the room.

And the last myth: do not take your other half for granted. This is the secret to happy and strong marriage, isn’t it? Once you start taking your spouse for granted, you stop appreciating them.

Our opinion: taking the other half for granted means trusting them completely, relying on them and believing that he or she will be there by your side when you need them.

It also means that you have taken on certain responsibilities and roles in your family. When you have a family and kids, being a absolutely sure in your partner only provides support and gives strength to your relationship. However, do not forget that taking the other half for granted and taking all the sacrifices for granted are two different things. A simple “thank you” works miracles.

Posted by Admin April 9, 2013 at 8:25 am
2013Tue09Apr

Teach Kids to Add Energy to Family Life

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Some children have the ability to suck the energy right out of family life. These children are demanding of your time, need a lot of correction, and seem to be magnets for conflict. They’re often emotionally explosive but almost always drain energy out of parents and other family members. Unfortunately then, these children develop a negative view of themselves based on the high amount of negative feedback they receive.

One solution is to teach them to add energy back into family life. The term “honor” describes the process of thinking of others above yourself. Honor is important in a family. God commands honor to be practiced at home. Ephesians 6:2-3 says, ” ‘Honor your father and mother’-which is the first commandment with a promise- ‘that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.’ ” Those verses teach that honor learned at home has ramifications for life. In fact, we would say that God has hidden within honor the secret ingredients people need to be successful.

Honor has rich meaning for parents and children. It can give direction in many of the frustrating moments you experience. In fact, every form of selfishness has an honor-based solution.

Honor means to treat people as special, do more than what’s expected, and have a good attitude. Feel free to use this definition or make up your own. The point is that honor changes the way that parents relate to their children, the way children relate to each other, and the way children relate to their parents. Obedience gets the job done, but honor addresses the way people relate in that process.

If Jack gets people riled up each afternoon before dinner, set an appointment with him at 4:00 pm for several days in a row and ask him to look for three things he can do to add to family life. He may decorate the dinner table, encourage his brother, or prepare something nice for Dad’s arrival home.

If Jack continually antagonizes his sister, you might tell him that he needs to think of three honoring things to do for her before he’s free to play. Remember, don’t tell him exactly what he needs to do. If you decide what Jack needs to do and tell him to do it, that’s obedience. When Jack chooses, that’s honor. Honor treats people as special and does more than what’s expected. Jack needs to learn how to add energy to family life instead of taking it away.

Honor requires initiative by adding something extra or doing something that needs to be done. Many children wait for others to tell them to do something. Furthermore, it’s hard to teach kids to take initiative because the very act of telling them seems to take the initiative away. That’s why you may require your child to do something but not tell him what to do. You want to help him to start seeing a need or solving a problem for himself.

Honor also contains the idea of doing more than what’s expected. That means seeing what needs to be done and doing it, and solving problems instead of leaving them for others. One family had a sign in their kitchen that read:

If it’s broken, fix it.
If it’s empty, fill it up.
If it’s open, shut it.
If it’s out, put it away.
If it’s messy, clean it up.
If you can’t, then report it.
That’s honor.

Honor means that everyone contributes to family life. In fact, you may ask a child to go around the house and look for one job that needs to be done and do it, and then report back to you. These kinds of discussions and exercises will help children think outside of their little box and discover that they have a responsibility to the family. They can contribute to family life by just seeing something that needs to be done and doing it.

People tend to take for granted those they’re closest to. It was Jesus who said, “Only in their own towns, among their relatives and in their own homes is a prophet without honor.” (Mark 6:4) The family can be a place where people take each other for granted. Learning honor is just the solution kids need. Hidden within honor are the secret ingredients that make people more productive in relationships.

You’re already honoring your kids in a number of ways although you might not be using the term. Now you might say to your daughter, “I went shopping today and I bought your favorite ice cream. I just wanted to honor you.” Then later you can use the same word to describe how you’d like your daughter to treat you with a better attitude when you give her an instruction.

One way parents can teach children honor is to include it in the instruction process. You might say to your child, “I’d like you to obey me by setting the table, then I want you to think of something extra to do to surprise me. That’s showing honor. You choose; it’s up to you. Report to me when you’re done and I’ll check your work.”

You can use the concept of honor in correction or when things are going well. You can use it when you teach your children about money, time, and other resources and you can teach it when conflict comes around. One way to teach honor is on special occasions when someone wins a contest or earns a certificate. You may show honor by giving that person a fancy place at the table or by decorating his or her bedroom door.

Honor is fun. It’s like oil in a machine. It gets work done with less friction and less heat. Every family needs honor. It’s great when things are going well and essential when family relationships are strained. Work on it whether your kids are preschoolers or teens. It’ll change the way your family relates.

Posted by Admin April 9, 2013 at 8:18 am